Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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