she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
