she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
