she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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