I think im going to throw up on grandma
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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