Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Someone signed my nipple.
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