First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Someone shattered a urinal.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
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Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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