I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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