am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
