Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
