i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
