Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
