I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
