they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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