I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
