I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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