Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
