Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
