if only i could text you this smell
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My life is pants optional.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
