You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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