just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
