How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
