My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
