I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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