I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my shit smells like andre
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
