having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
