i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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