That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
