This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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