a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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