There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
