Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
