i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
