I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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