I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
