i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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