you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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