That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
