I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
