mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
