Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize