whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
