Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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