Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.

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  (403): you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion. http://tfl.nu/ldji
  Replies (16) Good night (6921) Bad night (795)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai

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  (317): Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta. (1-317): Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai http://tfl.nu/sch5
  Replies (5) Good night (681) Bad night (2467)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.

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  (847): She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses. http://tfl.nu/wrem
  Replies (50) Good night (1355) Bad night (4765)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.

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  (256): Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night. http://tfl.nu/gx6d
  Replies (17) Good night (3837) Bad night (1176)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw

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  (608): It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw http://tfl.nu/lvr6
  Replies (10) Good night (3774) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.

  (415): View more from California

  No.

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  (920): Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay. (415): No. http://tfl.nu/olk0
  Replies (8) Good night (2125) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.

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  (918): I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud. http://tfl.nu/vndr
  Replies (12) Good night (1526) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.

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  (281): To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life. http://tfl.nu/6vxl
  Replies (8) Good night (992) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.

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  (317): You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow. http://tfl.nu/p8o5
  Replies (7) Good night (1683) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle

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  (226): The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle http://tfl.nu/jqp1
  Replies (3) Good night (873) Bad night (974)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.

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  (413): dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/a0c8
  Replies (8) Good night (550) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.

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  (519): I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vv54
  Replies (2) Good night (1284) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.

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  (661): Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex. http://tfl.nu/usxr
  Replies (3) Good night (962) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.

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  (585): we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia. http://tfl.nu/scs1
  Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife

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  (734): He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife http://tfl.nu/wnbi
  Replies (3) Good night (263) Bad night (687)

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