You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just cut my nipple shaving
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
