Texts From Last Night

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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

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  (740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5
  Replies (39) Good night (8139) Bad night (735)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  we should wear snuggies to the strip club

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  (918): we should wear snuggies to the strip club http://tfl.nu/cih2
  Replies (17) Good night (6384) Bad night (919)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.

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  (514): take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk. http://tfl.nu/mcib
  Replies (47) Good night (9952) Bad night (1184)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

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  (416): He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/3lsk
  Replies (52) Good night (11358) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff

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  (818): That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff http://tfl.nu/4b3c
  Replies (33) Good night (711) Bad night (8328)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.

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  (832): I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed. http://tfl.nu/rvfy
  Replies (38) Good night (8779) Bad night (1810)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us

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  (610): Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us http://tfl.nu/1uhw
  Replies (29) Good night (6143) Bad night (1151)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day

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  (605): My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day http://tfl.nu/e7q8
  Replies (5) Good night (2103) Bad night (2399)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

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  (832): I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/ohwe
  Replies (25) Good night (6553) Bad night (1032)
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  (760): View more from California

  i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege

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  (760): i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege http://tfl.nu/bkx2
  Replies (5) Good night (978) Bad night (1359)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  What bar did i puke in last night

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on

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  (412): What bar did i puke in last night (1-412): by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on http://tfl.nu/6tef
  Replies (4) Good night (757) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.

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  (778): He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him. http://tfl.nu/e3t2
  Replies (5) Good night (1795) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule

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  (863): I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule http://tfl.nu/m3mw
  Replies (3) Good night (1007) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.

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  (727): I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade. http://tfl.nu/63zw
  Replies (2) Good night (777) Bad night (217)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time

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  (602): I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time http://tfl.nu/slkz
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (186)

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