Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.