So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
