I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
