Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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