I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
