so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
