The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
