I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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