i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
