So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
cat food counts as protein by the way
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
