Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
