After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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