i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
