i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
