chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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