I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
