I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize