whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
